Hello there fellow mommys!
I have a quick question for you, and if you want to answer, great! If not, don't worry about it!
After our little man joins our family, I will be taking 6 weeks maternity leave, and then coming back to work. I'm looking for a breastpump that is a good one. One that, if it is a little more money, is worth it. Also, any tips of pumping would be greatly appreciated. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to get the milk I need for him. Any thoughts and ideas?!
Thanks in advance!
Monday, April 21, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Dear Baby Boy M.
Son,
As we sit here getting closer and closer to the day you will join us, my mind is filled with so many things I want to say to you, things I am concerned about, and things I just think about.
First and foremost, I want you to know that your daddy and I love you very much. I'm amazed at how much we love you already. You still have 11 weeks before you join us here in earth, but in our hearts, you've been in our family for 29 weeks. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't talk about you. What we're going to name you, who we think you'll be come, if we're gonna be the best parents for you, and so on and so forth. You are the first thing on my mind in the mornings, and the last thing on my mind at night. When I wake up in the middle of the night to pee because you're kicking my bladder (thanks for that) you are the only thing I think about until I fall back to sleep.
We're still not exactly sure what we're going to name you, but we have a couple ideas. There is one name that we keep coming back to, and one day, I'll let you know if what we end up naming you, is the name we were thinking about!
Your daddy and I wonder all the time who you will become. We will raise you the best we can, with the Gospel in your life, but we know that it is ultimately your decision. Please know, that no matter who you become in your life, that your daddy and I will love you....no matter what.
You will find out that your mommy is a worrier....your daddy, not so much. I find myself worrying a lot about if I'll be the mother you deserve, if I have what it takes to do the 2 AM feedings, if I will be patient enough, or if I will love you enough. I worry that maybe I will screw up. But with the help of your dad, and the priesthood he holds, I've found comfort in the blessings he's given me.
Speaking of your dad, he is the most incredible man I have ever met. You are so lucky to have him as your daddy. Please look up to him, ask him questions, and let him help you. Please know that while he's not super emotional, and doesn't voice his feelings very loud, or often, know that he loves you. Please lean on him when you're going through hard times. We might be old, but we've been through a thing or two. He is so excited to take you hunting, and camping with him. Use this time to bond with him.
I can't wait to meet you little guy, but I guess for now I will settle with feeling your kicks, your headbutts, and hearing your heartbeat at all of our appointments. It's amazing how hearing a little "swoosh" can brighten my day so much, and fill my heart with so much emotion.
I love you so so much,
Your Mommy
As we sit here getting closer and closer to the day you will join us, my mind is filled with so many things I want to say to you, things I am concerned about, and things I just think about.
First and foremost, I want you to know that your daddy and I love you very much. I'm amazed at how much we love you already. You still have 11 weeks before you join us here in earth, but in our hearts, you've been in our family for 29 weeks. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't talk about you. What we're going to name you, who we think you'll be come, if we're gonna be the best parents for you, and so on and so forth. You are the first thing on my mind in the mornings, and the last thing on my mind at night. When I wake up in the middle of the night to pee because you're kicking my bladder (thanks for that) you are the only thing I think about until I fall back to sleep.
We're still not exactly sure what we're going to name you, but we have a couple ideas. There is one name that we keep coming back to, and one day, I'll let you know if what we end up naming you, is the name we were thinking about!
Your daddy and I wonder all the time who you will become. We will raise you the best we can, with the Gospel in your life, but we know that it is ultimately your decision. Please know, that no matter who you become in your life, that your daddy and I will love you....no matter what.
You will find out that your mommy is a worrier....your daddy, not so much. I find myself worrying a lot about if I'll be the mother you deserve, if I have what it takes to do the 2 AM feedings, if I will be patient enough, or if I will love you enough. I worry that maybe I will screw up. But with the help of your dad, and the priesthood he holds, I've found comfort in the blessings he's given me.
Speaking of your dad, he is the most incredible man I have ever met. You are so lucky to have him as your daddy. Please look up to him, ask him questions, and let him help you. Please know that while he's not super emotional, and doesn't voice his feelings very loud, or often, know that he loves you. Please lean on him when you're going through hard times. We might be old, but we've been through a thing or two. He is so excited to take you hunting, and camping with him. Use this time to bond with him.
I can't wait to meet you little guy, but I guess for now I will settle with feeling your kicks, your headbutts, and hearing your heartbeat at all of our appointments. It's amazing how hearing a little "swoosh" can brighten my day so much, and fill my heart with so much emotion.
I love you so so much,
Your Mommy
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Update
Hello there!
People keep asking me how things have been since the surgery, and I'm happy to report, things have been wonderful. Baby is healthy, and staying put! I go back in on Friday just to check things again, but I'm confident that things will look great! Baby doesn't like it when I sit down. He likes to kick me in my ribs! What a stinker!
We bought our car seat on Friday! I feel SOOOO much better knowing that we have it. It's still in the box down in the basement, but just knowing it's there takes a lot of stress away.
I am a little frustrated with something though. My doctor in Cedar will only deliver me in Cedar, which is 1.5 hours away. So, if I make it to my due date, I would have go camp out for the week before, and just wait to go into labor. That doesn't sound like too much fun. However, neither does driving 1.5 hours while I'm in labor. So we decided we would find a doctor here in Richfield to take over my pregnancy, or deliver me here. I will continue to see my doctor in Cedar until week 36 when he takes the stitch out of my cervix, and then we're free to see who we want. I would love to stay with him, I just don't see it happening. I've had a lot of people tell me that within 24-48 hours after the stitch being removed, they have gone into labor. One person told me that the baby was here in less than a half hour. When I went to the doctor here in Richfield last Friday, they told me that they won't deliver me before I'm 37 weeks. If I go into labor before the 37 week mark, they will send me to Provo, either by ambulance, or helicopter, depending on how long they think I have before baby comes. So, I'm not really sure I see the point in switching doctors, if neither doctor I want to deliver me, is going to be the one to do it. Of course, there is the possibility that I will carry to term, and I'll be able to deliver here in Richfield, and everything will be perfect. So, I'm just having a hard time knowing what to do about the whole situation. There is no way to KNOW what's going to happen, and I'm not the kind of person that deals well with that.
Anyways, there is a little bit of an update for you. I will know more after Friday!
People keep asking me how things have been since the surgery, and I'm happy to report, things have been wonderful. Baby is healthy, and staying put! I go back in on Friday just to check things again, but I'm confident that things will look great! Baby doesn't like it when I sit down. He likes to kick me in my ribs! What a stinker!
We bought our car seat on Friday! I feel SOOOO much better knowing that we have it. It's still in the box down in the basement, but just knowing it's there takes a lot of stress away.
I am a little frustrated with something though. My doctor in Cedar will only deliver me in Cedar, which is 1.5 hours away. So, if I make it to my due date, I would have go camp out for the week before, and just wait to go into labor. That doesn't sound like too much fun. However, neither does driving 1.5 hours while I'm in labor. So we decided we would find a doctor here in Richfield to take over my pregnancy, or deliver me here. I will continue to see my doctor in Cedar until week 36 when he takes the stitch out of my cervix, and then we're free to see who we want. I would love to stay with him, I just don't see it happening. I've had a lot of people tell me that within 24-48 hours after the stitch being removed, they have gone into labor. One person told me that the baby was here in less than a half hour. When I went to the doctor here in Richfield last Friday, they told me that they won't deliver me before I'm 37 weeks. If I go into labor before the 37 week mark, they will send me to Provo, either by ambulance, or helicopter, depending on how long they think I have before baby comes. So, I'm not really sure I see the point in switching doctors, if neither doctor I want to deliver me, is going to be the one to do it. Of course, there is the possibility that I will carry to term, and I'll be able to deliver here in Richfield, and everything will be perfect. So, I'm just having a hard time knowing what to do about the whole situation. There is no way to KNOW what's going to happen, and I'm not the kind of person that deals well with that.
Anyways, there is a little bit of an update for you. I will know more after Friday!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Surgery Update
Thank you to everyone that has called, and said prayers on our behalf! the surgery yesterday was successfull. the only complication we had was getting the spinal block in, which caused some extra pain after, and a numb bottom half for 5 or 6 hours after the surgery. they were able to get my cervix sewn shut with no problem. now we are hoping that i wont have contractions, and that this little guy will stay put for a while. as of now i'm suppsed to "take it easy" for the rest of the week, and then see from there. things really couldnt have gone much better.
on a different note, my poor husband is sick. poor guy. we are just a wonderful pair. hes been so sweet through all of this. im one lucky girl.
thanks again for all of your love and support.
on a different note, my poor husband is sick. poor guy. we are just a wonderful pair. hes been so sweet through all of this. im one lucky girl.
thanks again for all of your love and support.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Update
Hello friends and family!
once again we need prayers and good thoughts! This is gonna be a quick post, but we wanted to let you know what's going on. I go in on Tuesday for the surgery to sew my cervix shut, so that baby doesn't fall out. If we don't do this surgery, i would be delivering him in the next few weeks. We're scared, but glad that something can be done to help with this situation. Once i hit 36 weeks they will take the stitch out, and I'll be able to deliver normally.
Thanks in advance for all of your prayers!
once again we need prayers and good thoughts! This is gonna be a quick post, but we wanted to let you know what's going on. I go in on Tuesday for the surgery to sew my cervix shut, so that baby doesn't fall out. If we don't do this surgery, i would be delivering him in the next few weeks. We're scared, but glad that something can be done to help with this situation. Once i hit 36 weeks they will take the stitch out, and I'll be able to deliver normally.
Thanks in advance for all of your prayers!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Rough Day....
2 posts in one week?! This must be a new record! This post is more of me venting/worrying/needing to get some feelings out. So read at your own risk!
WARNING: possibility of negativity...
Today Victor and I went into the doctors office to hear our little man's heartbeat. Also for them to check my cervix. If you read the previous post of our journey to become pregnant, you know that it's thinner and smaller than most woman's. I've been going in every 2 weeks for them to check it. At first, it was doing amazingly well. These last couple appointments, it started to get smaller and smaller. It started out at 4.2 CM, and at today's appointment it was measuring at 2 CM. 2 CM is the smallest they will let it go before they sew it shut. So I have to go back in next Friday (March 7) for them to check it again. If it's gotten any smaller at all, they will be sewing it shut so Baby M doesn't fall out. As of now, I'm not on official bed rest, but I can't lift anything. He specifically said no lifting groceries, probably just to let me know how light things need to be for me to be safe lifting them. If my cervix is any smaller after next week, I will most likely be put on bed rest for the REST of the pregnancy. That is 4 long months of nothing but laying in bed, and peeing.
I'm freaking out a little bit here people. I'm terrified to go to the bathroom (weird I know) but the same muscles you use to go to the bathroom are the same ones used to push a baby out. I know that sewing my cervix shut could be the best thing, but right now, it's a scary thought.
So as of now, I can't lift anything, I can't really do any activities (working out and such) and I have to "take it easy"
I've been so lucky with this pregnancy so far, I wasn't really sick in the beginning, and I haven't really had any other complications, I guess I should be thankful, but right now, I'm scared.
If we do end up having to sew my cervix shut, I will probably have to stick with my doctor (which isn't a bad thing) down in Cedar. The only down side to that is he want's to deliver me down there. Which could mean 1 of 2 things. 1) I (and by I, I mean Victor) will have to drive 1.5 hours while I'm in labor. 2) I have to camp out down in Cedar the week before my due date, until I go into labor. Neither one of those options sound like much fun to me. It also doesn't sound fun to sit in the car for 1.5 hours on the way home after I've had a baby, and I'm sore.
Okay, I think I'm done complaining. I needed to get it out somewhere, and I find writing to be soothing.
If you're the praying kind, maybe say a few prayers for us!
WARNING: possibility of negativity...
Today Victor and I went into the doctors office to hear our little man's heartbeat. Also for them to check my cervix. If you read the previous post of our journey to become pregnant, you know that it's thinner and smaller than most woman's. I've been going in every 2 weeks for them to check it. At first, it was doing amazingly well. These last couple appointments, it started to get smaller and smaller. It started out at 4.2 CM, and at today's appointment it was measuring at 2 CM. 2 CM is the smallest they will let it go before they sew it shut. So I have to go back in next Friday (March 7) for them to check it again. If it's gotten any smaller at all, they will be sewing it shut so Baby M doesn't fall out. As of now, I'm not on official bed rest, but I can't lift anything. He specifically said no lifting groceries, probably just to let me know how light things need to be for me to be safe lifting them. If my cervix is any smaller after next week, I will most likely be put on bed rest for the REST of the pregnancy. That is 4 long months of nothing but laying in bed, and peeing.
I'm freaking out a little bit here people. I'm terrified to go to the bathroom (weird I know) but the same muscles you use to go to the bathroom are the same ones used to push a baby out. I know that sewing my cervix shut could be the best thing, but right now, it's a scary thought.
So as of now, I can't lift anything, I can't really do any activities (working out and such) and I have to "take it easy"
I've been so lucky with this pregnancy so far, I wasn't really sick in the beginning, and I haven't really had any other complications, I guess I should be thankful, but right now, I'm scared.
If we do end up having to sew my cervix shut, I will probably have to stick with my doctor (which isn't a bad thing) down in Cedar. The only down side to that is he want's to deliver me down there. Which could mean 1 of 2 things. 1) I (and by I, I mean Victor) will have to drive 1.5 hours while I'm in labor. 2) I have to camp out down in Cedar the week before my due date, until I go into labor. Neither one of those options sound like much fun to me. It also doesn't sound fun to sit in the car for 1.5 hours on the way home after I've had a baby, and I'm sore.
Okay, I think I'm done complaining. I needed to get it out somewhere, and I find writing to be soothing.
If you're the praying kind, maybe say a few prayers for us!
Friday, February 21, 2014
Our Journey
Hello Friends!
Over the past couple of weeks I have felt that I needed to write a post on our journey to get to where we are today....pregnant. Whether it's to help some of my friends that are going through the same thing, to offer some sort of hope, or to just get it all written down so we have it in the future.
After Victor and I got married we decided we would wait at least 1 year before we thought about having kids. Lets be honest, I thought about it, and asked him about it, but we waited. Looking back, I'm SO glad we did wait. I loved having that time with him. When we had been married for just over a year I went in for my yearly exam, and got shattering news. My doctor called me and told me that the results were abnormal, which could mean that I had cancer. What in the world?! I felt fine. I went in the next week for them to do a biopsy on the abnormal cells, and then we waited for the results. A week later the results came back as being PRE cancerous cells on my cervix, but they needed to be removed before they turned cancerous. I was so scared. I went home, locked myself in my room, and cried like a baby, for hours on end. When Victor got home I told him what was going on, and he said "It will be okay, Don't worry." WHAT?!?!?! Don't worry?! I was so angry at him. How could he NOT worry...didn't I mean enough to him for him to worry? Angry! I was referred to a new doctor down in Cedar (1.5 hours away from us) who would be doing the surgery to be removing the cells from my cervix. We met, and I had all sorts of questions for him. The first question was, will I ever be able to get pregnant, and have a safe pregnancy? After all, the cervix is what holds the baby in. I had always dreamed of getting pregnant, and feeling my baby move, and the thought that this could no longer happen? I couldn't let myself think about that. His answer to that question was, "Yes, and maybe no." HUH?! What does that mean? Yes, it was possible that I could get pregnant, and carry the baby to term with no problems at all. But there was also a possibility that if I did get pregnant, that they would have to sew my cervix shut, or the baby could....wait for it....FALL OUT while I was walking around. Ummm....this conversation was so not easing any of my fears. But he said that when/if I got pregnant, that they would keep a close eye on it to make sure they were doing everything they could. So, in August of 2011 Victor drove a very drugged up Megan to Cedar for the surgery to have the cells removed. It was scary, until I took all the drugs the doctor told me to take, and then....well...I don't remember ANYTHING! Probably a good thing. The surgery was a success. He was able to get all of the cells, and so far, none of them have returned! Thank the Lord!
In June of 2012 we decided it was time to start trying for a baby. After almost 2 years of marriage, we decided we were ready to give up our "him and me time" and turn it into "family time." We were both so excited that there was a possibility that we could have a mini me/him running around. However, it wasn't nearly as easy as we thought it would be.
In September of 2012 I went in to my doctor, and I told him that we were trying to get pregnant, but my cycles were ALL over the place. We were having a hard time knowing when the "time was right." I asked if there was something he could do to help. He said they could check for PCOS which could be what was causing my cycles to be everywhere. So they did a blood test, and they ordered an ultrasound. When I went down for the ultrasound, he said "the blood work showed no indication that you would have it, but we'll check anyways." I'm SO glad they did check anyway, because, I had it. Of course I had it. Why had I even let myself think I didn't have it? He said there was a medication that they could put me on that would help regulate my cycles, which should in turn, help us to get pregnant. After that appointment, I went home, and again, threw myself a pitty party. Why was this so hard for us? Why did I have to have everything wrong with me? Why didn't the Lord TRUST me with a baby, when all of these other people, who didn't really WANT a baby got one? Why us? Why me? These questions are totally NORMAL when going through this particular trial.
After that appointment, my doctor said there wasn't anything else he could do until we had been trying to get pregnant for a year. A year I thought? Easy Peasy! No way I won't be pregnant after that long. Little did I know......
Every time my new "regular" cycle was late, I would test, just to get a negative. 10 friends had become pregnant, some, without even trying. Others had had their babies. All the while, there was me, and my sweet, patient husband, just waiting for our turn. Babies were EVERYWHERE. Whether it was at church, or our brothers or sisters were having them, or coming into our works, they were everywhere. And every time we saw one (and by we, I mean me) I would get depressed, all over again. When was it going to be my turn? We tried ovulation kits, and NOTHING. We prayed, and fasted, NOTHING. We did everything we knew how to do, and NOTHING. I was discouraged. I was angry. I was hurt. I had given up. We had decided that if we couldn't get pregnant naturally, that we just wouldn't have kids. There was no way we could afford fertility treatments, and we couldn't afford to adopt, so, I had just gotten used to the fact that it was only gonna be us. (A little dramatic I know for it not quite being a year a trying)
In June of 2013 I went in for the "I'm still not pregnant" appointment, and cried. All I wanted was a baby. You never give up on the thought, as much as you tell yourself you do. I told Victor that there was obviously some reason why we hadn't been able to get pregnant yet, but not knowing what it was, was killing me. He look at me and said, "Hand it over to the Lord." So I did. I told myself that it would happen when it was meant to happen. One day I had a feeling that I needed to get out my Patriarchal Blessing, and read it. It tells me that I will have kids. I felt so much better...still running out of patience, but better. At my appointment, my doctor told me he wanted to do an HSG test just to make sure everything was okay.
I went in in August for the HSG test. I went through the pain of it, (due to my surgery, my cervix is very pain sensitive) just for them to tell me that they couldn't do it right then, and I would have to wait about 2 weeks and come back, and do it all over again. Sitting at the hospital, in a hospital gown, I broke down. They went and got Victor, he came in and held me while I BAWLED like a big baby. All I wanted was a baby. Why was I having to go through all of this?!
Two weeks later, I went back in, angry. Angry at the doctor that was doing the test, because he was the one that told me to come in the first time. Angry at my doctor for not doing this test sooner. Just ANGRY. I sat through the whole thing expecting the worst news, because, the way I saw it, everything else had gone horribly wrong, why would this not? As they finished the test, they called Victor into the room with me to go over the results. And it turns out, they found something. Something that could have been the whole reason, the whole time. BOTH of my fallopian tubes had blockages in them. When they injected the dye, both of the blockages were pushed out. This increased our chance of getting pregnant by 65% in the next 3 months. Holy cow! Those were great odds! I left the hospital with more hope than I had felt in a long time. It was so nice to not be SO angry anymore. As we drove home, I started crying. Victor asked me if I was in pain, and I said no. He asked me what was wrong, and I said "I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I gave it to the Lord, and I feel like there is a possibility it could happen, and soon."
On October 20, 2013 I took another pregnancy test. Not because I thought there might be a possibility, but because I was late. I hadn't gotten a positive ovulation test in September, and I didn't have any other symptoms, but I thought, what's it gonna hurt? As I sat there and looked at the test that read "pregnant" I didn't believe it for a second. There was still an hourglass flashing, so I just assumed it was going to pop up with a huge NOT in front of it. When the hourglass finally went away a 2-3 weeks popped up. Could this really be happening? Was everything I had wanted for over a year finally happening? This couldn't be right. So, I took another test, and another one, but that was it, because that was all I had! all 3 tests said the same thing "Pregnant 2-3 weeks" HOLY CRAP! I was finally pregnant! Where's Victor?! I want to tell him, I want to cry, (pregnancy hormones, or just relief) I want to shout it from the roof top. Victor was GONE hunting for the day. That's great, I'll run to the store and buy a couple onesies to give him. And that's what I did. When he finally got home, and we were alone (We had a house full of company) I handed him a box that he a pink and a blue onesie, a book that's called "Daddy's home" and my pregnancy tests (Don't worry, I put them in a baggie) As he opened it, he looked at me, in shock. He couldn't believe it either. He hugged me, then asked me if I was serious! YES! I was serious! "We're gonna have a baby."
I went to the doctor and we got the due date of June 26, 2014!
Friends, If you, or someone you know, are going through the same thing, know that there is hope. I know you feel like it will never happen. It's so hard to watch everyone else have babies, but I promise you, in the end, It will be worth it. Give it to the Lord, and let Him know that you trust Him. As I feel my son kicking around as I'm writing this, I'm so grateful that my husband had the faith to "give it to the Lord" and that he was patient with me, as I learned to do the same thing. Our life has changed so much already, and yours will too. Also, know that you're not alone. There are people out there that have gone, or are going through the same thing. Seek help from friends and family. Having that support system is so important!
I hope this may have helped give someone out there the hope that is a light at the end of the "infertility tunnel."
-Megan
Over the past couple of weeks I have felt that I needed to write a post on our journey to get to where we are today....pregnant. Whether it's to help some of my friends that are going through the same thing, to offer some sort of hope, or to just get it all written down so we have it in the future.
After Victor and I got married we decided we would wait at least 1 year before we thought about having kids. Lets be honest, I thought about it, and asked him about it, but we waited. Looking back, I'm SO glad we did wait. I loved having that time with him. When we had been married for just over a year I went in for my yearly exam, and got shattering news. My doctor called me and told me that the results were abnormal, which could mean that I had cancer. What in the world?! I felt fine. I went in the next week for them to do a biopsy on the abnormal cells, and then we waited for the results. A week later the results came back as being PRE cancerous cells on my cervix, but they needed to be removed before they turned cancerous. I was so scared. I went home, locked myself in my room, and cried like a baby, for hours on end. When Victor got home I told him what was going on, and he said "It will be okay, Don't worry." WHAT?!?!?! Don't worry?! I was so angry at him. How could he NOT worry...didn't I mean enough to him for him to worry? Angry! I was referred to a new doctor down in Cedar (1.5 hours away from us) who would be doing the surgery to be removing the cells from my cervix. We met, and I had all sorts of questions for him. The first question was, will I ever be able to get pregnant, and have a safe pregnancy? After all, the cervix is what holds the baby in. I had always dreamed of getting pregnant, and feeling my baby move, and the thought that this could no longer happen? I couldn't let myself think about that. His answer to that question was, "Yes, and maybe no." HUH?! What does that mean? Yes, it was possible that I could get pregnant, and carry the baby to term with no problems at all. But there was also a possibility that if I did get pregnant, that they would have to sew my cervix shut, or the baby could....wait for it....FALL OUT while I was walking around. Ummm....this conversation was so not easing any of my fears. But he said that when/if I got pregnant, that they would keep a close eye on it to make sure they were doing everything they could. So, in August of 2011 Victor drove a very drugged up Megan to Cedar for the surgery to have the cells removed. It was scary, until I took all the drugs the doctor told me to take, and then....well...I don't remember ANYTHING! Probably a good thing. The surgery was a success. He was able to get all of the cells, and so far, none of them have returned! Thank the Lord!
In June of 2012 we decided it was time to start trying for a baby. After almost 2 years of marriage, we decided we were ready to give up our "him and me time" and turn it into "family time." We were both so excited that there was a possibility that we could have a mini me/him running around. However, it wasn't nearly as easy as we thought it would be.
In September of 2012 I went in to my doctor, and I told him that we were trying to get pregnant, but my cycles were ALL over the place. We were having a hard time knowing when the "time was right." I asked if there was something he could do to help. He said they could check for PCOS which could be what was causing my cycles to be everywhere. So they did a blood test, and they ordered an ultrasound. When I went down for the ultrasound, he said "the blood work showed no indication that you would have it, but we'll check anyways." I'm SO glad they did check anyway, because, I had it. Of course I had it. Why had I even let myself think I didn't have it? He said there was a medication that they could put me on that would help regulate my cycles, which should in turn, help us to get pregnant. After that appointment, I went home, and again, threw myself a pitty party. Why was this so hard for us? Why did I have to have everything wrong with me? Why didn't the Lord TRUST me with a baby, when all of these other people, who didn't really WANT a baby got one? Why us? Why me? These questions are totally NORMAL when going through this particular trial.
After that appointment, my doctor said there wasn't anything else he could do until we had been trying to get pregnant for a year. A year I thought? Easy Peasy! No way I won't be pregnant after that long. Little did I know......
Every time my new "regular" cycle was late, I would test, just to get a negative. 10 friends had become pregnant, some, without even trying. Others had had their babies. All the while, there was me, and my sweet, patient husband, just waiting for our turn. Babies were EVERYWHERE. Whether it was at church, or our brothers or sisters were having them, or coming into our works, they were everywhere. And every time we saw one (and by we, I mean me) I would get depressed, all over again. When was it going to be my turn? We tried ovulation kits, and NOTHING. We prayed, and fasted, NOTHING. We did everything we knew how to do, and NOTHING. I was discouraged. I was angry. I was hurt. I had given up. We had decided that if we couldn't get pregnant naturally, that we just wouldn't have kids. There was no way we could afford fertility treatments, and we couldn't afford to adopt, so, I had just gotten used to the fact that it was only gonna be us. (A little dramatic I know for it not quite being a year a trying)
In June of 2013 I went in for the "I'm still not pregnant" appointment, and cried. All I wanted was a baby. You never give up on the thought, as much as you tell yourself you do. I told Victor that there was obviously some reason why we hadn't been able to get pregnant yet, but not knowing what it was, was killing me. He look at me and said, "Hand it over to the Lord." So I did. I told myself that it would happen when it was meant to happen. One day I had a feeling that I needed to get out my Patriarchal Blessing, and read it. It tells me that I will have kids. I felt so much better...still running out of patience, but better. At my appointment, my doctor told me he wanted to do an HSG test just to make sure everything was okay.
I went in in August for the HSG test. I went through the pain of it, (due to my surgery, my cervix is very pain sensitive) just for them to tell me that they couldn't do it right then, and I would have to wait about 2 weeks and come back, and do it all over again. Sitting at the hospital, in a hospital gown, I broke down. They went and got Victor, he came in and held me while I BAWLED like a big baby. All I wanted was a baby. Why was I having to go through all of this?!
Two weeks later, I went back in, angry. Angry at the doctor that was doing the test, because he was the one that told me to come in the first time. Angry at my doctor for not doing this test sooner. Just ANGRY. I sat through the whole thing expecting the worst news, because, the way I saw it, everything else had gone horribly wrong, why would this not? As they finished the test, they called Victor into the room with me to go over the results. And it turns out, they found something. Something that could have been the whole reason, the whole time. BOTH of my fallopian tubes had blockages in them. When they injected the dye, both of the blockages were pushed out. This increased our chance of getting pregnant by 65% in the next 3 months. Holy cow! Those were great odds! I left the hospital with more hope than I had felt in a long time. It was so nice to not be SO angry anymore. As we drove home, I started crying. Victor asked me if I was in pain, and I said no. He asked me what was wrong, and I said "I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I gave it to the Lord, and I feel like there is a possibility it could happen, and soon."
On October 20, 2013 I took another pregnancy test. Not because I thought there might be a possibility, but because I was late. I hadn't gotten a positive ovulation test in September, and I didn't have any other symptoms, but I thought, what's it gonna hurt? As I sat there and looked at the test that read "pregnant" I didn't believe it for a second. There was still an hourglass flashing, so I just assumed it was going to pop up with a huge NOT in front of it. When the hourglass finally went away a 2-3 weeks popped up. Could this really be happening? Was everything I had wanted for over a year finally happening? This couldn't be right. So, I took another test, and another one, but that was it, because that was all I had! all 3 tests said the same thing "Pregnant 2-3 weeks" HOLY CRAP! I was finally pregnant! Where's Victor?! I want to tell him, I want to cry, (pregnancy hormones, or just relief) I want to shout it from the roof top. Victor was GONE hunting for the day. That's great, I'll run to the store and buy a couple onesies to give him. And that's what I did. When he finally got home, and we were alone (We had a house full of company) I handed him a box that he a pink and a blue onesie, a book that's called "Daddy's home" and my pregnancy tests (Don't worry, I put them in a baggie) As he opened it, he looked at me, in shock. He couldn't believe it either. He hugged me, then asked me if I was serious! YES! I was serious! "We're gonna have a baby."
I went to the doctor and we got the due date of June 26, 2014!
Friends, If you, or someone you know, are going through the same thing, know that there is hope. I know you feel like it will never happen. It's so hard to watch everyone else have babies, but I promise you, in the end, It will be worth it. Give it to the Lord, and let Him know that you trust Him. As I feel my son kicking around as I'm writing this, I'm so grateful that my husband had the faith to "give it to the Lord" and that he was patient with me, as I learned to do the same thing. Our life has changed so much already, and yours will too. Also, know that you're not alone. There are people out there that have gone, or are going through the same thing. Seek help from friends and family. Having that support system is so important!
I hope this may have helped give someone out there the hope that is a light at the end of the "infertility tunnel."
-Megan
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