Becoming a mother changes everything. It changes how you live. It changes how you dress, how you think, how you sleep, what you eat. It changes your body, some think for the better, some think for the worse. These are all changes that some people long for, they pray to gain 50 pounds, they plead with their Father in Heaven to just let them get stretch marks, and to throw up every morning because what they ate wasn't sitting right with their new baby. Some people try for these changes for days, weeks, or even years. What kind of love that must be to want these changes for another person.
My thoughts on these changes are this, they are the best changes that ever could have happened to me.
The change in how I live. I live every day for my son. To be the kind of mother he will be proud of. I live for my hubby as well, and without him, none of this would have been possible, and for that I am eternally grateful for him.
Changes in my dress, while I never walked around in Daisy Dukes, and bikini tops, I did end up walking around in maternity pants (which by the way are THE most comfortable things, ever) and nursing shirts.
How I think. When I would wake up before I would think, I have to get out of bed, and go to work, then come home, do the dishes, cook dinner, do laundry and so on. Now when I wake up, I think, I get to get up and snuggle this sweet boy, who thinks I hung the moon (not that he knows what the moon is yet). I get to be a mommy to this sweet boy, with my best friend, and the best partner on this journey I could ask for as his daddy.
Being a mother definitely changes how you sleep. Of course you lose sleep, and a lot of it, but your dreams when you have a child change. I dream about what I want for my baby. What kind of life I want him to have, and what I can do to help with that. Sleep changes in the way that, even when he's not awake, screaming all night I'm awake thinking about him. Sleep, it seems to be a thing of the past.
Eating changes, because when you're pregnant you crave things, such as grilled cheese sandwiches, and baked potatoes, and you cant eat something that you've loved for years, such as steak, and hamburgers. After you have that sweet bundle of joy, or diet changes again. Now you eat things to increase your milk supply if you're lucky enough to be able to nurse, and if not, you eat salads and so on to try to lose the rest of that dreaded, yet longed for, baby weight.
Changes to your body! This is a big one. When your trying to get pregnant you do everything you can to get your body ready for the adventure you're about ready to embark on. When you are pregnant your body changes every day. From the pathway to motherhood (stretch marks) to your fat swollen feet, to your crazy long hair all of a sudden. Some people are ashamed of their stretch marks, but for me, when I look at them, it makes me remember what it was like to grow a baby. It makes me proud. I did it, and knowing so many people that can't, looking at them humbles as well. As soon as you have a baby, you're trying everything you can to get your pre-baby body back. It's hard work, it brings feelings of defeat when you've dieted for a month, and nothing has changed, or when you work your butt off at the gym, and nothing, but it also brings changes for you. Changes for your attitude, changes how you feel about yourself.
Changes. Some are good, some are bad. The changes of motherhood, are the best changes you could ever make in your life. Some ask why you would want to do that to yourself. Get fat, eat everything in sight, cry at the latest commercial, and to those people, I would say, you won't know unless you experience your baby looking at you for the first time, after 9 long months. When he looks at you and smiles because he's missed you after a long day, there is nothing like it. When you see your husband playing and genuinely laughing as he tickles this little person, that is half you and half him, it melts your heart.
Not all changes are bad.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Friday, July 18, 2014
These past couple of weeks....
These past couple of weeks have been STRESSFUL to say the least!
On July 3, I took him in for his 2 week appointment, and he weighed 6lbs 7oz. Which still wasn't back up to his birth weight. I know babies usually lose some weight after they are born, but my doctor was a little concerned that he was 2 weeks old, and still not back up. So we started supplementing him with formula, after I would nurse him. My doctor was afraid that I wasn't producing enough milk.
Just after that appointment, he started spitting up, horribly. My doctor was out of town so I thought that I would get in first thing when he got back, but that didn't happen. On July 9, at 4:45 I took him to see another doctor in the clinic because I was worried. He weighed him, and he was up to 7lbs 3oz, which was good, but I was still concerned. This kid wasn't keeping ANYTHING down. So they wrote him a prescription for prevacid, and said that if he was still having problems, to bring him back in in a couple days. So then on July 11, and 9:45 AM I took him back in, and we saw, yet, another doctor. He was down to 6lbs even. He wasn't keeping anything down, at all. I got so scared. They sent us right away to do tests. They check him for pyloric stenosis, and it was negative, but they saw that he did have acid reflux, just worse than they originally thought. So they upped his dose of meds, and told me to feed him less, more often. So we started feeding him a half ounce every half hour. Then slowly upped up. Now we're up to 2 oz every 2 hours. On July 15 we went back in to see my doctor to let him know what's been going on, and he was back up to 7lbs 4oz. So we're on the right track, but he's still not where they want him to be for being a month old. We have to take him to do weekly weight checks for the next couple weeks, and if he's gaining what he should be, then we should be good.
It has been so stressful for me. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to be able to feed him, and take care of him, and I felt like I was failing. I have been dealing with some postpartum depression, so that wasn't helping! But, he's doing much better, so we're feeling better!
Sorry, short post! He's waking up, and I need to go feed him!
On July 3, I took him in for his 2 week appointment, and he weighed 6lbs 7oz. Which still wasn't back up to his birth weight. I know babies usually lose some weight after they are born, but my doctor was a little concerned that he was 2 weeks old, and still not back up. So we started supplementing him with formula, after I would nurse him. My doctor was afraid that I wasn't producing enough milk.
Just after that appointment, he started spitting up, horribly. My doctor was out of town so I thought that I would get in first thing when he got back, but that didn't happen. On July 9, at 4:45 I took him to see another doctor in the clinic because I was worried. He weighed him, and he was up to 7lbs 3oz, which was good, but I was still concerned. This kid wasn't keeping ANYTHING down. So they wrote him a prescription for prevacid, and said that if he was still having problems, to bring him back in in a couple days. So then on July 11, and 9:45 AM I took him back in, and we saw, yet, another doctor. He was down to 6lbs even. He wasn't keeping anything down, at all. I got so scared. They sent us right away to do tests. They check him for pyloric stenosis, and it was negative, but they saw that he did have acid reflux, just worse than they originally thought. So they upped his dose of meds, and told me to feed him less, more often. So we started feeding him a half ounce every half hour. Then slowly upped up. Now we're up to 2 oz every 2 hours. On July 15 we went back in to see my doctor to let him know what's been going on, and he was back up to 7lbs 4oz. So we're on the right track, but he's still not where they want him to be for being a month old. We have to take him to do weekly weight checks for the next couple weeks, and if he's gaining what he should be, then we should be good.
It has been so stressful for me. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to be able to feed him, and take care of him, and I felt like I was failing. I have been dealing with some postpartum depression, so that wasn't helping! But, he's doing much better, so we're feeling better!
Sorry, short post! He's waking up, and I need to go feed him!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Wesley's Story
I've needed to write this down for a while! Wesley is sleeping, so I'm taking the time to do it now!
This is Wesley's birth story!
June 20, 2014
I woke up at 4:00 AM with contractions! Around 7:00 I went in and woke Victor up. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart at this point. But I kept telling Victor that I didn't want to go to the hospital, because I was scared that they would just tell me to suck it up, and to go home. I was so worried that I was having Braxton Hicks, and that the contractions weren't really doing anything. At about 8:00 I got in the shower, while Victor made breakfast for us. I was going to eat before we went to the hospital since I wouldn't be able to eat until after baby came. We both called our bosses to tell them that it was finally the day! While Victor was on the phone with his boss, I was standing in the hall, screaming from a contraction! haha.
Anyways, we packed the car, and headed to the hospital around 9:00. When we got there my doctor was standing by the maternity ward nurses station, and he was super surprised to see us come in. I had just gone in 2 days before, and NOTHING had changed, at all.
When they got me in and hooked up to the monitors, we were excited to hear that I was dilated to a 6! YES! that meant that the contractions were actually doing something!
At 10:00 I got my epidural. When they went to give it to me, they discovered that my back was swollen. My whole body was swollen. Before they would give me my epidural, they had to do blood work to make sure I didn't have preeclampsia. I gained about 50 LBS while I was pregnant, which is a symptom. But the blood work came back normal, so, they gave me the epidural.
at 1:00 my doctor came in to break my water. After he broke it, he was checking to see if I was any further dilated, and he goes "what's this?" I looked at him, terrified, and said "don't say that." I had a SECOND water. The first water they broke was a smaller water in front of the main water. My doctor said this could have been why I gained so much weight, and why I was so swollen at the end. After they broke my water(s), every time I would have a contraction, Wesley's heart rate would slow WAY down, and stay down for about 5 minutes. They started prepping for a c-section. They had the OR ready and set up. All that was left was me, getting there. About a minute before they wheeled me down, his heart rate came back up, and stayed up. They decided to watch it through the next couple of contractions. It was fine. So my doctor left for a while. As soon as he left, his heart rate went down again. Luckily, my doctor didn't have any appointments that day, and he could stick around my room. They kept keeping an eye on his heart rate, but it seemed to be balancing out.
By 4:30, Wesley still hadn't dropped down at all. They did an ultrasound, and figured out that the cord was keeping him from dropping. This was another reason they were thinking c-section. My doctor wanted to try a couple practice pushes to see if his heart could take it, and if he would drop. So I pushed 3 times, and he says "oh, well, maybe we should get serious about this, because he's on his way." So, I pushed for about a half hour, (15 pushes) and there he was. He let out one little cry, and that was it. Even when they were giving him his shots, he didn't cry! He didn't cry at all in the hospital. They took him to the nursery at night, around 10:00 PM and brought him back to me around 4:00 AM saying "Well, he hasn't made a sound, but he's probably hungry..."
He's been such a good baby so far. Although, we are having a hard time figuring out the feeding thing. When I nurse him, he spits up really bad. He cries, and arches his back until it comes up. I feel horrible for him. I can't figure out what it is that I'm eating, or what I'm doing. My doctor has me feeding him formula after I nurse him, because he's also not gaining any weight. At his 2 week appointment, he was 6 OZ less than he was when he was born. My doctor thinks I'm not producing enough milk for him. I have to take him back in this week for a weight check to make sure he's gaining. I guess we'll see what happens.
Anyways, that is the story of how my little wiggley Wesley came into this world, and how he stole our hearts in the matter of seconds.
Victor has been so wonderful with him. Very hands on, and I love seeing how much he loves his son.
This is Wesley's birth story!
June 20, 2014
I woke up at 4:00 AM with contractions! Around 7:00 I went in and woke Victor up. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart at this point. But I kept telling Victor that I didn't want to go to the hospital, because I was scared that they would just tell me to suck it up, and to go home. I was so worried that I was having Braxton Hicks, and that the contractions weren't really doing anything. At about 8:00 I got in the shower, while Victor made breakfast for us. I was going to eat before we went to the hospital since I wouldn't be able to eat until after baby came. We both called our bosses to tell them that it was finally the day! While Victor was on the phone with his boss, I was standing in the hall, screaming from a contraction! haha.Anyways, we packed the car, and headed to the hospital around 9:00. When we got there my doctor was standing by the maternity ward nurses station, and he was super surprised to see us come in. I had just gone in 2 days before, and NOTHING had changed, at all.
When they got me in and hooked up to the monitors, we were excited to hear that I was dilated to a 6! YES! that meant that the contractions were actually doing something!
At 10:00 I got my epidural. When they went to give it to me, they discovered that my back was swollen. My whole body was swollen. Before they would give me my epidural, they had to do blood work to make sure I didn't have preeclampsia. I gained about 50 LBS while I was pregnant, which is a symptom. But the blood work came back normal, so, they gave me the epidural.at 1:00 my doctor came in to break my water. After he broke it, he was checking to see if I was any further dilated, and he goes "what's this?" I looked at him, terrified, and said "don't say that." I had a SECOND water. The first water they broke was a smaller water in front of the main water. My doctor said this could have been why I gained so much weight, and why I was so swollen at the end. After they broke my water(s), every time I would have a contraction, Wesley's heart rate would slow WAY down, and stay down for about 5 minutes. They started prepping for a c-section. They had the OR ready and set up. All that was left was me, getting there. About a minute before they wheeled me down, his heart rate came back up, and stayed up. They decided to watch it through the next couple of contractions. It was fine. So my doctor left for a while. As soon as he left, his heart rate went down again. Luckily, my doctor didn't have any appointments that day, and he could stick around my room. They kept keeping an eye on his heart rate, but it seemed to be balancing out.
By 4:30, Wesley still hadn't dropped down at all. They did an ultrasound, and figured out that the cord was keeping him from dropping. This was another reason they were thinking c-section. My doctor wanted to try a couple practice pushes to see if his heart could take it, and if he would drop. So I pushed 3 times, and he says "oh, well, maybe we should get serious about this, because he's on his way." So, I pushed for about a half hour, (15 pushes) and there he was. He let out one little cry, and that was it. Even when they were giving him his shots, he didn't cry! He didn't cry at all in the hospital. They took him to the nursery at night, around 10:00 PM and brought him back to me around 4:00 AM saying "Well, he hasn't made a sound, but he's probably hungry..."He's been such a good baby so far. Although, we are having a hard time figuring out the feeding thing. When I nurse him, he spits up really bad. He cries, and arches his back until it comes up. I feel horrible for him. I can't figure out what it is that I'm eating, or what I'm doing. My doctor has me feeding him formula after I nurse him, because he's also not gaining any weight. At his 2 week appointment, he was 6 OZ less than he was when he was born. My doctor thinks I'm not producing enough milk for him. I have to take him back in this week for a weight check to make sure he's gaining. I guess we'll see what happens.
Anyways, that is the story of how my little wiggley Wesley came into this world, and how he stole our hearts in the matter of seconds.
Victor has been so wonderful with him. Very hands on, and I love seeing how much he loves his son.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
It may be a while....
Well,
So much for baby just falling out! I went to the doctor today, and since I've only had like 1 or 2 contractions since my last appointment, he decided to not even check me, since there's a pretty good chance that nothing has changed. He started talking about when they will induce, at 41 weeks. So we could be looking at a 4th of July baby! He did say that baby has dropped a little bit, so I'm slowly getting there, but he's not thinking that too much is going to change this week either. Of course, he could be wrong! haha. I guess we'll see what happens! The doctor guessed that baby is around 7 pounds right now, but the longer he's in there, the bigger he becomes!
I'm actually okay with baby waiting till the due date, because we just got a 7 week old puppy, and I want to get him settled before we bring baby home. Last night, he only whined when he heard me get up to pee, so we're hoping that he's getting used to his crate, and his new home. He's super cute, and he LOVES Dash! Dash is so good with him too, unless he's coming off a sedation, and the puppy won't leave him alone. That ends with the puppy whimpering, and hiding under our bed!
Anyways, I just thought I would write a quick update for those of you who are actually following along!
So much for baby just falling out! I went to the doctor today, and since I've only had like 1 or 2 contractions since my last appointment, he decided to not even check me, since there's a pretty good chance that nothing has changed. He started talking about when they will induce, at 41 weeks. So we could be looking at a 4th of July baby! He did say that baby has dropped a little bit, so I'm slowly getting there, but he's not thinking that too much is going to change this week either. Of course, he could be wrong! haha. I guess we'll see what happens! The doctor guessed that baby is around 7 pounds right now, but the longer he's in there, the bigger he becomes!
I'm actually okay with baby waiting till the due date, because we just got a 7 week old puppy, and I want to get him settled before we bring baby home. Last night, he only whined when he heard me get up to pee, so we're hoping that he's getting used to his crate, and his new home. He's super cute, and he LOVES Dash! Dash is so good with him too, unless he's coming off a sedation, and the puppy won't leave him alone. That ends with the puppy whimpering, and hiding under our bed!
Anyways, I just thought I would write a quick update for those of you who are actually following along!
Friday, June 13, 2014
What did you say?!
Over the past year or so there have been a few things said to me that I have really had to stop and think "Did you really just say that to me?" So I thought I would write a list, just so I can find the humor....
Before I ever got pregnant
- "When are you guys going to have a baby?" - Don't say this to a woman, you don't know what they are going through. They could be trying, and not having any luck.
- "You guys have been married for (insert time frame here) and you still haven't had a baby?!" - See above.
Once we announced I was pregnant
- "You're FINALLY pregnant?" -Seriously people
- "You're starting to show already." -Nope, I'm just fat! Thanks though!
- "You look tiny." -I feel like a cow (I know, there is no pleasing a pregnant lady)
Throughout the rest of the pregnancy
- "You look like you were ready to pop 2 months ago." -Ummm....Thanks?!
- "You look totally miserable, of course that could just be the way you look, and you could feel great." -Yes, this was really said to me.
- "I'll get you a parachute at the Army Surplus store to wear." (Thanks dad) He was TOTALLY kidding.
- "I don't know how you're still walking."
- "You don't walk anymore. you waddle." -NO lady wants to hear that they are waddling. We already know we look ridiculous....HA!
- "You're gonna do (Thing) with your son? Really?" -YES! He's our son, and we'll do what we want to with him.
- "How are you feeling?" -I know this is just a question, and you probably are really concerned, but when we get to the very end of the pregnancy, you feel like CRAP! You hurt all over, you're tired beyond tired, your feet hurt, if you're like me, your swollen, EVERYWHERE, and you just want to cry. This is a very loaded question. So if you're going to ask it, prepare yourself.
- "You'll wish you were still pregnant once that baby is here." -What are you trying to say? That I'm gonna wish my son wasn't born? I have put in the time, I think it's time that I get to hold my baby boy. Will I miss feeling him move, yes, however, I'm gonna have a baby. A baby that we WANTED.
- "A REAL mother wouldn't put their child into daycare." -Ummm.....I have nothing to say to that one.
- "Things are going to be so hard when that baby comes." -Why can't people tell me how WONDERFUL things will be, how I'm gonna love being a mother, and how there's nothing like it in the world when your baby looks up at you and smiles for the first time?! THOSE are the things we want to hear.
- "You'll think of divorce more in the first 3 months of your baby's life than you have the whole time you've been married." -I'm sorry your relationship is rocky, my husband and I will be just fine!
I'm sure there are a few other ones that I've missed, but these are the ones that have really stuck out to me! When people say these things to you, all you can do is laugh. I mean, seriously, just laugh about it, because if you don't, it'll make it worse!
Friday, June 6, 2014
Today was the day...
Today was the day they cut my stitch. When my doctor pulled it out, he showed it to me, and I was SHOCKED at how small it was. This tiny little piece of thread was holding our son in. CRAZY! I didnt go into labor right away, but he did say that I'm dilated to a 2 already. We could have a baby within a week, or I could go to my due date. I guess we'll see what happens. I have been pretty emotional today. Part of me wants this baby here, now. The part that has been MISERABLE for the last couple weeks. Between my super swollen kankles, my tired feet, not sleeping (yes, i know, when he gets here, the sleep won't get any better) and how much my whole body hurts, I'm ready for him to be here. The other part of me wants him to stay in there for as long as he can, so we can make sure he's good and healthy.
Anyways, I'll update the blog when we know more!
Anyways, I'll update the blog when we know more!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
News
Hello to the 2 people that actually read our blog! ;)
We finally have some news on what's going on with baby! We know that they are pulling the stitch on June 6th, which means we will be delivering here in Richfield because I will be 37 weeks at that point! After they pull that stitch, our little man is welcome to come whenever he wants! Victor thinks I'll make it a couple more weeks before he makes his grand entrance, I think he'll probably come within a week of them pulling the stitch! I guess we shall see! I can't believe we could have a baby in 3 weeks! It's a crazy thought! I guess we need to start to get his room put together!
I go in again tomorrow to check everything, and to make sure he's still stuck in there, but I'm sure everything will be just fine!
Here is a picture of our little guy when he finally decided to show us his face at our 30 week (4 weeks ago) ultrasound. If you ask me, I think he's the cutest little man there ever was!
We finally have some news on what's going on with baby! We know that they are pulling the stitch on June 6th, which means we will be delivering here in Richfield because I will be 37 weeks at that point! After they pull that stitch, our little man is welcome to come whenever he wants! Victor thinks I'll make it a couple more weeks before he makes his grand entrance, I think he'll probably come within a week of them pulling the stitch! I guess we shall see! I can't believe we could have a baby in 3 weeks! It's a crazy thought! I guess we need to start to get his room put together!
I go in again tomorrow to check everything, and to make sure he's still stuck in there, but I'm sure everything will be just fine!
Here is a picture of our little guy when he finally decided to show us his face at our 30 week (4 weeks ago) ultrasound. If you ask me, I think he's the cutest little man there ever was!
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