This post is more just for me to get my thoughts straightened out, but if you have thoughts or advice, I would love to hear it.
I've been thinking a whole lot lately about what I'm supposed to be learning from things that have been going on. First, I'm pretty sure that somewhere down the road, I will need A LOT of patience. It seems like everything in my life right now is teaching me patience of some sort or another. From waiting for my car to get here, to waiting for my hubby to jump on the baby train, to dealing with our 4 year olds without ripping my hair out, it all comes back to one thing...my lack of PATIENCE. Victor tried to teach me patience while I waited for him to propose...but looking back, I realized that he was right to wait...so is he right to wait before we jump on the baby train?! He always seems to know more than I do...I would like to think it's the Lord giving him inspiration for our family, but sometimes I think he's just stubborn, and just wants to wait, because people keep pushing him (and by people I mean ME)
I didn't think it would be too hard to wait a couple of years for a baby, but now that the time is here, It's breaking my heart to wait. Everytime I take a birth control pill, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It doesn't help that everyone around me is getting pregnant, or having babies, or saying stuff about their babies, things like "my baby rolled over for the first time." or "my baby slept through the night." Don't get me wrong, I love our life together, I couldn't ask for a better husband, or life. He has provided me with such an amazing life, I'm really so lucky....I just feel like we're missing something. but it comes back to the patience. When the Lord wants it to happen, it will happen...I just have to keep telling myself that. When my life is supposed to get crazy busy, it will. But I just wish it was happening now. I'm ready for that next chapter in our lives. It may be my husband that is keeping it from happening physically, but I know that the Lord has his hand in everything. That is the one thing that is keeping me from going totally crazy...if the Lord wanted it to happen...it would...even if I am taking the pill.
GAH....so confused.
On to my 4 year olds....I love my primary class, the kids are so cute, and they all have their own personalities...that's for sure. but once again, I keep thinking, "what am I supposed to be learning from the calling?" I sure hope the Lord doesn't have 9 kids up there for me...but even if he did...I'm pretty sure they all wouldn't be 4...! haha. Like I said, I love the kiddos, they are just hard for me to deal with sometimes.
Anyways, I'm sorry to vent to you, but like I said, if you have any words of wisdom, or advice...it would come in handy! I'm not sure what the Lord has in store for my life, but I would like to think that he's preparing me for whatever it is, and all of this will come into play one day.
Thanks! :)
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Megan, you have it right...it's all in the Lord's time, and yes, Victor is a wise man....it's a lot like being married to your dad....I spend a lot of time waiting for him to get on board with me on a lot of things, but eventually either he does, or I realize I was wanting the wrong thing.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have your babies, (it's not totally unheard of to have 9 at once...have you heard of octomom?!! LOL!!!) and you'll love each one of the, and the challenges they will bring, and believe me, each one will bring it's own set of challenges, whether it's when they are young babies, or teens, or even as adults, because once you become a mother, you NEVER stop worrying about your kids. NEVER.
I love you so much, and miss you like crazy, I really wish we lived closer so we could see you more often....I should just fly back and forth more since I have that blessing in my life right now. We will see you soon though, and in the mean time, remember you can always talk to Victor, God and me! Love, MOM