Channeling Frustration

Well, I know it's been a while since I've posted, and there may be a reason for that. Lately I have been ornerier than heck. I've been angry at the world. All I've wanted to do was curl up in a ball, and cry the days away. The worst part about it, I'm not really sure why. I mean, I have a couple reasons, a couple of them very big reasons, but it's not something that no one else has been through, and I think to myself, if they can do it, so can you....but in reality, that's not how I see things.
Victor and I had a conversation the other day, a conversation we've had MANY times, but for some reason, this time, it really sank in. Not sure why, but I'm sure glad it did.
I can't go into a lot of detail, but lets just say, something that comes very easy to a lot of other people, isn't for me, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I don't understand why it's so easy for some people, and why I'm having the hardest time with it. And this issue literately makes me mad at the world. I'm mad at EVERYONE...everyone except my loving husband, and sometimes my dog.
And then on top of this issue I'm having, there is a lot of drama at work, and I don't deal with drama well. I've always been one of those people that says "If you're mad at me, come to ME about it, don't go to everyone else about it, and then deny it when I ask you about it." but that's not working right now, and I don't know how to deal with it.
So, the other day, while driving up into the mountains, I asked Victor what I should do, and why I'm so angry. Like I said, there are LOTS of other people that have trials, but why does it seem to hit me harder than most? (Yes, loaded question for my husband, I know) He replied with one simple word. A word I've known my entire life. A word that can be said it a good way, or in a bad way. The way Victor said it, it was a bad way. ATTITUDE.  I kinda looked at him funny, (lets be honest, I was a little hurt, and upset that he would tell me that I have a bad attitude, but, I did.) That's one of the many reasons I fell in love with him, because he was so blunt about things, and while he knew it would make me upset, he still said it, because he knew I needed to hear it. My attitude lately has totally and completely SUCKED! There's no denying it. I don't want to go to work, I don't want to go to church, I just want to lay in bed, and think about how the world is picking on me. That's healthy, right? HA!
Since that day, the day my husband told me my attitude sucks, I have been doing a lot of thinking, I've shed a lot of tears, and I'm finally deciding to do something about it. Something I have control over. I don't have control over what people tell me, what they don't tell me, things that happen, or don't happen, but I do have control over my physical health, and to be honest, right now, it sucks just as bad as my attitude. So, today on my lunch break, I went and signed up with a 6 month membership to the local gym. I'm hoping that If i go into working out with a new outlook, besides losing weight and just something I can have control over, and something that I can take my frustration out on, I will be a happier me. Victor is convinced it will work, me? I'm terrified. (Yes, there is my bad attitude again creeping it's way to the surface.) I've never been one to like working out, ever. I don't like getting hot and sweaty, I don't like breathing hard, I don't like saying I can't run a mile, but I don't like wanting to cry all day either, and I'm hoping that this will be a solution. While it won't fix things that are broken, or fully heal wounds, it will be a great band-aid for now, until the wound has time to heal.
So, here's to a better attitude, and a happier Megan (Which, if you've been around me lately, you know is a must!)